I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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