batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
