There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
