It's just like the Real World with babies
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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