I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
