He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
