you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
