I am puke
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
