i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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