I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
