Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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