Just cropdusted the office
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think my moral compass just broke
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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