the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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