my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
