Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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