puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
