i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
