What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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