The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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