He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
