I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize