I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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