wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize