Sponge bath it is.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
