Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?

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(314): View more from Missouri

You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

some bitch filled my sink with salsa.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.

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(661): View more from California

All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.

(310): View more from California

I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?

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