so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
