apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
