Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
