I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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