She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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