what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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