we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
