im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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