I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
