Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
