Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
