are you still at the devil's house?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
