every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize