So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
