they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
