Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize