He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
