Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize