Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
