you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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