I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
