alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
