i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
