Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize