My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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