I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
