Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize