There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
