More tranny stories later!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
