I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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