Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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