grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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