Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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