I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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