Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
