If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
