no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize